A Horror Story of Rape, Ostracism and Triggering Memories

A friend of mine just made this long and profound statement on Facebook. I think it needs to be preserved for as many people to see as possible. I left her name out of it, but her identity does not matter. NO ONE should have to endure this!

I heard a group of fifteen year old girls discussing a girl in their high school who had been s by a classmate talking on the train yesterday. As I sat there my heart bled listening to the callous, insensitive and horrifying commentary which ensued for a good half hour.

Their discussion was completely devoid of any sympathy, without even one of the seven teens showing an ounce of sympathy.

As far as they were concerned, the girl who had accused their classmate of rape was probably not lying, but apparently should have known better than to have hung out with this specific boy because he was a “ghetto” kid who had a reputation for being a ladies man?

There were so many things I wanted to say as I sat there behind them almost in tears listening to these girls fault their classmate for having him to her house while her parents were out (as if anyone of them had never gone out with a boy alone before). Especially given that she was a white girl with money while the guy was from the projects.

They never once questioned the guys innocence as apparently some neighbor overheard the girls screams and called the cops who arrived as the guy was exiting the premises only to find the girl beaten unconscious, naked on her bedroom floor.

Instead of showing even a smidge of compassion or empathy, all these twits could focus on was that she never should have had a ghetto rat (aka black boy from the projects) in her house to begin with and that she probably led him on anyway as she had big boobs and always looked “like a slut”.

It took me right back to nineteen years ago when I was raped by my puppt loves cousin as his uncle held my puppy love down to wait to take his turn on me. Fortunately, my bf finally got out of his much older uncles grasp and ran. His uncle chased him to the train station where he lost him and my puppy love called the cops to tell them his cousin was raping me.

By the tine the cops arrived at my house it was over but I was beaten and bloodied and brought to the hospital. My bf testified against his cuz as an eye witness and finally at the trial a year later my rapist admitted what he did to me in court.

In the year leading upto the trail, my entire neighborhood (mostly old school Italians) completely turned on me. I went from being a straight a student to a high school drop out within 6 months due to the insanity which ensued. Not only facing death threats, having guns pulled on me, having my family threatened by the family of the guy who raped me, but also being shunned by the very community I grew up in all because
a white girls like me must have been asking for it to have 3 Puerto Rican boys in my house alone. I guess that fact alone made what happened to me my fault.

The harrassment and bullying I endured at the hands of my community, including being jumped by the same Italian girls I grew up with almost every week and having their mothers who had known me as a little girl shun me and forbid me from talking to their daughters (one neighbor of mine went so far as to call me a slut and spit on me after telling me if she saw me try to talk to her daughter again she would personally fuck me up).

Not to mention what the so called “Justice System” put me through, maligning my character, questioning my morality, trying to paint me as a slut beforehand (which shouldn’t have mattered even if that had been true, which it certainly was not). As if wearing a short skirt or hanging out with a boy or two is tantamount to asking to be raped!

And my case involved a eye witness who was the rapists cousin testifying against him, all of the physical evidence the district attorney could want and a confession from the guy who did it)…

It took me 15 years to finally stop running from what happened to me and rebelling against the society which punished me for being the victim of a particularly brutal and sadistic rape and to begin therapy to finally face my emotions and deal with them.

I just turned 33 August 15th and it isn’t til now, almost twenty years later, that I finally know in my heart I did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve what happened to me, and to realize that I have nothing to be guilty about.

I was the victim of a crime. I was a trusting, naive, immature and very sheltered 14 year old girl who endured a crime which destroys women in their forties. I was just beginning to discover who I was and form my sense of self when every single thing I thought I knew and believed in was ripped away from me as I was plunged into a dark world that treated me as if I was somehow to blame for being the victim of a sadistic crime while my rapist simultaneously was given more rights and protected more than I was.

Being a minor I was given no choice in testifying and after coming close to dying at least three times and being threatened more times than I could count with the system doing nothing to protect me besides giving me a order of protection which never mattered anyway when I changes my mind not to testify I was threatened with curfews and being put in a group home “for my own protection” while my rapist was free to torture me every time I left my house. It was as if I committed a crime instead of being the victim of one. Never mind the picture the defense attorney painted of me and the circus that turned into.

To have my community black ball me was just one more nail in the coffin. I was destroyed. I overdosed three times on alcohol (the first time a mere three months within being raped) and eventually moved onto stronger drugs.

I was suicidal, had no self esteem, hated myself and the world in general. I went from a happy go lucky, quirky, carefree teenager to a self loathing, rebellious hellion. And had I not been so chicken shit I would have slit my wrist within a year. Instead I spent more than a decade putting myself in situations I knew could kill me. And came really close to death, though somehow lived every single time.

It’s taken almost two decades to finally mature enough to realize nothing I did caused what happened to me. I was the victim of a brutal rape because some sick fuck got off on beating a girl half his size into a pulp and could only feel powerful watching me plead and beg and fight for my life. This guy was a twisted motherfucker and he enjoyed my agony. The more I screamed and fought the more he enjoyed himself. I just happened to be his victim that day (yes, there were at least three more girls he did it too that I know of as well).

Society has come a long way when it comes to sex crimes and the way we deal with them. But we still have a hell of a long way to go.

Rape is never a womans fault. I don’t care if a severely inebriated prostitute is walking in the middle of 4the Avenue naked. No means no. Period.

And we need to each our sons and daughters, from an early age, to realize this. Rape isn’t about sex. It’s about power. It’s about a man who is so sick the only way he can get aroused is by hurting, brutalizing, and ravaging a woman using his penis as a weapon. Just as a arsonist is aroused by watching fires he sets burn, it’s the same psychological phenomenon.

It is never the victims fault. And it’s high time that truth be told until it replaces the fallacy of “the woman always being somehow at fault”.
The bulshit needs to end.

No woman should ever have to endure being ostracised and maligned for being raped. Ever again.

Stop the madness.

#Rape101 #sex #crimes #rape #victim #rights #support #ItsNeverYourFault

Racism, sexism, and others forms of bigotry work together to degrade us all. The rape alone was terrible, but even worse was the lack of support and even victim blaming from a large part of the community at the woman in question for being raped. IF THEY EXCUSE EVIL, IT IS THE SAME AS IF THEY COMMIT THE EVIL THEMSELVES!

The first principle of Unitarian Universalism is of the inherit worth and dignity of every person, period. No one deserves to be degraded because his or her appearance, background, race, economic status, sexual orientation, or anything else not related to CHARACTER.

How NOT to rape someone

Here are some rules for men who do not want to be accused of raping a woman:

1. ALWAYS ask the women directly during a date in a private setting, “Do you want to have sex with me?”   If her response is anything other than, “Yes,” drop the issue and do not bring it up again until she does.

2. Never talk about the experience of having sex with anyone other than a licensed therapist, your parents or other guardians (if you are underaged), or a clergyperson in a counseling session. PRIVATE MATTERS MUST REMAIN PRIVATE. Other men do not need to know how you “banged that hot chick last night”.

3. The claim that women claim to be raped because they regret having sex with a man long after the fact is simply self-serving bullshit. Do not repeat that claim, ever.

4. Even if you use protection or any form of birth control, PROMISE the woman that if she gets pregnant, you will either support the child or pay for an abortion, whichever she decides.

5. Do not merely be a woman’s sex partner…..be her LOVER. Be willing to share in anything she does or is involved in or ask her to share in things you enjoy. If you do not want a complete relationship with a woman, you can always masturbate by yourself.

6. Unless your partner is a porn star, you do not need to take or possess nude pics of her. And NEVER post them online!

That is all for now.  If I think of more, or if you have your own suggestions for rules, this list will be added to.

Child Support Abuse

Read this article:

http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/arizona/politics/2014/09/02/arizona-statutory-rape-victim-forced-pay-child-support/14951737/

Arizona statutory rape victim forced to pay child support

Nick Olivas became a father at 14, a fact he wouldn’t learn for eight years.

While in high school, Olivas had sex with a 20-year-old woman. As he sees it now, she took advantage of a lonely kid going through a rough patch at home.

State law says a child younger than 15 cannot consent with an adult under any circumstance, making Olivas a rape victim. But Olivas didn’t press charges and says he didn’t realize at the time that it was even something to consider.

The two went their separate ways. Olivas graduated from high school, went to college and became a medical assistant.

Then two years ago, the state served him with papers demanding child support. That’s how he found out he had a then-6-year-old daughter.

“It was a shock,” he said. “I was living my life and enjoying being young. To find out you have a 6-year-old? It’s unexplainable. It freaked me out.”

He said he panicked, ignored the legal documents and never got the required paternity test. The state eventually tracked him down.

Olivas, a 24-year-old Phoenix resident, said he now owes about $15,000 in back child support and medical bills going back to the child’s birth, plus 10 percent interest. The state seized money from his bank account and is now garnisheeing his wages at $380 a month.

He has become one of the state’s 153,000 active child-support cases, according to the Arizona Department of Economic Security division of Child Support Services.

In May alone, payments were not made in 49 percent of those cases, according to the agency.

Olivas’ fear has turned to frustration.

He wants to be in his daughter’s life and is willing to pay child support going forward. But he doesn’t think it’s right for the state to charge him for fees incurred when he was still a child himself or for the years he didn’t know the girl existed.

“Anything I do as an adult, I should be responsible for,” he said. “But as a teenager? I don’t think so.”

I have already made my opposition to the concept of statutory rape clear. The state of Arizona, and every other state that has such a concept, must make a choice: Either discard the concept, or never charge the underage fathers that result from such acts as being financially responsible for the babies that are later born. Actually, I think they should do both.

On the one hand, I do not think there was a “rape”, since Olivas clearly consented to having sex with the older woman. But because what they did was illegal, OF COURSE she kept the relationship and the paternity of the baby secret…..until the boy had grown up and had started a lucrative career that she could take advantage of! Indeed,I have to wonder…..why hasn’t the woman been arrested and charged with rape? If a 20 year old man had gotten a 14 year old girl pregnant, wouldn’t the expected actions of the state against the man be obvious?

In the case of a boy so young he could not even hold down a full time job at the time the baby was born, the issue is obvious; he should be released from paying any child support, no matter how many years have passed and the state should NOT charge him for back child support! If an older woman is stupid enough to have a child by an underaged boy, she alone should care physically and financially for that child, period. Or if she cannot due to lack of child support payments, she should not have custody of the baby.  Even if Nick Olivas was not a rape victim of the mother of his child, he currently IS a victim of a state that has trapped itself in a contradiction resulting from “pro-family” values not based on practical reality, which should forever be the ONLY basis for laws and procedures of any government!

Rape Apologists!

I would occasionally see the term “rape apologist” thrown around by feminists and I assumed for a long time that this was merely hyperbole. What man, in his right mind, would publicly defend the act of forcing a woman to have sex with him? Instead, I figured the only proper definition of a rape apology would be a rapist saying to his victim months or years later, “I’m sorry that I violated your dignity as a fellow human being and I promise I will never do that again to anyone.”

Boy was I mistaken! Continue reading

Economic Abuse of a Little Girl

Read this article:

http://gma.yahoo.com/cupcake-business-run-11-old-shuttered-illinois-health-202621307–abc-news-topstories.html

HT_cupcake_girl_1_jtm_140205_16x9_992
Cupcake Business Run By 11-Year-Old Shuttered By Illinois Health Officials

By ALYSSA NEWCOMB

The cupcake empire Chloe Stirling built out of her home kitchen has come crumbling down after Illinois health officials said the sixth-grader wasn’t in compliance with local laws.

Chloe, 11, said she was told by health officials in Madison County, Ill., that if she wants to continue selling cupcakes she will need to buy a bakery or build a separate kitchen.

“It bummed me out because I wanted to keep baking,” Chloe told ABCNews.com. “I had a bunch of orders and they said I had to cancel them all.”

Stirling, who is in sixth grade, has operated “Hey Cupcake” out of her family’s kitchen in Troy, Ill., for the past two years. And it appears her success may have invited the scrutiny of regulators.

The cupcake mogul said she’s raked in some serious dough for a kid her age, charging $10 for a dozen cupcakes and $2 each for the more elaborate treats, such as cakes that look like high heel shoes.

“It felt good because with all my money I could buy stuff I wanted and didn’t have to wait until my birthday or Christmas,” Chloe said, adding that she was also saving money for a car.

Her mother, Heather Stirling, told ABCNews.com she’s meeting with officials from the health department and the state attorney next week in hopes of finding a way to help Chloe re-open Hey Cupcake.

“This is her niche. You have kids who are good at baseball and soccer and this is what they pursue,” Stirling said. “Chloe is one of a kind. No one else does this at her age. There are a lot of hoops we’re going to have to jump through.”

Toni Corona, a spokeswoman for the Madison County Department of Health, told ABCNews.com in a statement that the laws are “applied uniformly and without discrimination.”

She said the department “applauds the entrepreneurial spirit” of Chloe and “joins with her many fans in hoping she will find a location for her cupcake enterprise that complies with state laws.”

Do you see something missing in this article?  How about any evidence that anyone was sickened by any of the products produced by this girl’s baking business?

Shutting down her business for failing to comply with state health regulations even with no complaint from customers about her products serves one purpose:  Eliminating competition with the corporations that dominate our economy and both force people to work for them instead of working for themselves and force them to buy their products instead of creating their own. This is bullying of the worst sort and it goes against our legal standard of “innocent until proven guilty”. The State of Illinois and the officials of Madison County should be ashamed of themselves!

Rape, School Sports and Small Town Insanity

P Z Myers put the spotlight on a teenage rapist yesterday:

http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2013/10/14/matthew-barnett-sleazebag-and-rapist

The story is sadly typical of small towns and their pathetic bigotries, but what really drew my attention later was a comment below it. (Emphasis mine.)

http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2013/10/14/matthew-barnett-sleazebag-and-rapist/comment-page-1/#comment-705351

39
MarkM1427

15 October 2013 at 1:04 am (UTC -5)

Anonymous? That scumbag will wish he only had the cops to deal with. If only they’d go after the media for not calling this shit what it is: an inexcusable, unforgivable act of violence against another human being. I didn’t see a word of this until ThinkProgress shared it on Facebook. I wonder why no one else seems to give a shit about the actual victims here. Ever since I first read this story it’s been stuck in the back of my head. It obviously pisses me off, but it also hits close to home in several ways for me.

As outraged as I am about this, I’m not at all surprised. It’s not the first time I’ve heard about a small town demonizing the victims who dared to put the town through the trauma of dealing with the fact that a heinous crime happened in their neighborhood instead of, you know, the actual criminal. A similar story of what happened to my grandmother has stuck with my family for nearly 50 years. (I’m not going to derail the thread with the whole story, but a small town covered up the murder of her mother since the guy who did it was close to powerful people in the town.) Why can’t this shit ever change?

And this has finally done it. I thought I would never say this, but I can’t go on believing that athletic programs are a positive influence for students. Even though I benefited from sports myself, I can’t support them anymore. I was an athlete in high school, and to this day I believe that being part of the football team did a lot to make me more social then. I have Asperger’s and I might not have as much as spoken a word the whole four years if I didn’t join one group or another. For so long I defended these sports programs as something that could be a great influence on the athletes if the coaches actually gave a damn about that like the ones I had did.

But no more. I now see that my experience was the exception, not the rule. School sports, much like religion, corrupts the adults who are involved in it, you know, the ones that are supposed to ACT LIKE ADULTS. If sports programs warp peoples’ minds to the point that they are consistently willing to enable rape by athletes in the name of winning a fucking ball game, they are toxic to society and we should cast them out of schools.

I don’t intend to derail the thread with the tangent I know I went off on, but this story has had my mind spinning faster than a centrifuge ever since I read it. I can’t wait for the town to finally have the wrath of the rest of the country descend on them for the scumbags they are.

And that led me to ask what, if anything, do sports programs have to do with the actual process of education? Nothing that I can see. Yet almost every school and college out there has a sports program which no doubt costs money to maintain. Perhaps it is time to start putting pressure on schools to eliminate funding for sports programs before they even think of eliminating anything else from a school’s budget!