A friend of mine just made this long and profound statement on Facebook. I think it needs to be preserved for as many people to see as possible. I left her name out of it, but her identity does not matter. NO ONE should have to endure this!
I heard a group of fifteen year old girls discussing a girl in their high school who had been s by a classmate talking on the train yesterday. As I sat there my heart bled listening to the callous, insensitive and horrifying commentary which ensued for a good half hour.
Their discussion was completely devoid of any sympathy, without even one of the seven teens showing an ounce of sympathy.
As far as they were concerned, the girl who had accused their classmate of rape was probably not lying, but apparently should have known better than to have hung out with this specific boy because he was a “ghetto” kid who had a reputation for being a ladies man?
There were so many things I wanted to say as I sat there behind them almost in tears listening to these girls fault their classmate for having him to her house while her parents were out (as if anyone of them had never gone out with a boy alone before). Especially given that she was a white girl with money while the guy was from the projects.
They never once questioned the guys innocence as apparently some neighbor overheard the girls screams and called the cops who arrived as the guy was exiting the premises only to find the girl beaten unconscious, naked on her bedroom floor.
Instead of showing even a smidge of compassion or empathy, all these twits could focus on was that she never should have had a ghetto rat (aka black boy from the projects) in her house to begin with and that she probably led him on anyway as she had big boobs and always looked “like a slut”.
It took me right back to nineteen years ago when I was raped by my puppt loves cousin as his uncle held my puppy love down to wait to take his turn on me. Fortunately, my bf finally got out of his much older uncles grasp and ran. His uncle chased him to the train station where he lost him and my puppy love called the cops to tell them his cousin was raping me.
By the tine the cops arrived at my house it was over but I was beaten and bloodied and brought to the hospital. My bf testified against his cuz as an eye witness and finally at the trial a year later my rapist admitted what he did to me in court.
In the year leading upto the trail, my entire neighborhood (mostly old school Italians) completely turned on me. I went from being a straight a student to a high school drop out within 6 months due to the insanity which ensued. Not only facing death threats, having guns pulled on me, having my family threatened by the family of the guy who raped me, but also being shunned by the very community I grew up in all because
a white girls like me must have been asking for it to have 3 Puerto Rican boys in my house alone. I guess that fact alone made what happened to me my fault.
The harrassment and bullying I endured at the hands of my community, including being jumped by the same Italian girls I grew up with almost every week and having their mothers who had known me as a little girl shun me and forbid me from talking to their daughters (one neighbor of mine went so far as to call me a slut and spit on me after telling me if she saw me try to talk to her daughter again she would personally fuck me up).
Not to mention what the so called “Justice System” put me through, maligning my character, questioning my morality, trying to paint me as a slut beforehand (which shouldn’t have mattered even if that had been true, which it certainly was not). As if wearing a short skirt or hanging out with a boy or two is tantamount to asking to be raped!
And my case involved a eye witness who was the rapists cousin testifying against him, all of the physical evidence the district attorney could want and a confession from the guy who did it)…
It took me 15 years to finally stop running from what happened to me and rebelling against the society which punished me for being the victim of a particularly brutal and sadistic rape and to begin therapy to finally face my emotions and deal with them.
I just turned 33 August 15th and it isn’t til now, almost twenty years later, that I finally know in my heart I did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve what happened to me, and to realize that I have nothing to be guilty about.
I was the victim of a crime. I was a trusting, naive, immature and very sheltered 14 year old girl who endured a crime which destroys women in their forties. I was just beginning to discover who I was and form my sense of self when every single thing I thought I knew and believed in was ripped away from me as I was plunged into a dark world that treated me as if I was somehow to blame for being the victim of a sadistic crime while my rapist simultaneously was given more rights and protected more than I was.
Being a minor I was given no choice in testifying and after coming close to dying at least three times and being threatened more times than I could count with the system doing nothing to protect me besides giving me a order of protection which never mattered anyway when I changes my mind not to testify I was threatened with curfews and being put in a group home “for my own protection” while my rapist was free to torture me every time I left my house. It was as if I committed a crime instead of being the victim of one. Never mind the picture the defense attorney painted of me and the circus that turned into.
To have my community black ball me was just one more nail in the coffin. I was destroyed. I overdosed three times on alcohol (the first time a mere three months within being raped) and eventually moved onto stronger drugs.
I was suicidal, had no self esteem, hated myself and the world in general. I went from a happy go lucky, quirky, carefree teenager to a self loathing, rebellious hellion. And had I not been so chicken shit I would have slit my wrist within a year. Instead I spent more than a decade putting myself in situations I knew could kill me. And came really close to death, though somehow lived every single time.
It’s taken almost two decades to finally mature enough to realize nothing I did caused what happened to me. I was the victim of a brutal rape because some sick fuck got off on beating a girl half his size into a pulp and could only feel powerful watching me plead and beg and fight for my life. This guy was a twisted motherfucker and he enjoyed my agony. The more I screamed and fought the more he enjoyed himself. I just happened to be his victim that day (yes, there were at least three more girls he did it too that I know of as well).
Society has come a long way when it comes to sex crimes and the way we deal with them. But we still have a hell of a long way to go.
Rape is never a womans fault. I don’t care if a severely inebriated prostitute is walking in the middle of 4the Avenue naked. No means no. Period.
And we need to each our sons and daughters, from an early age, to realize this. Rape isn’t about sex. It’s about power. It’s about a man who is so sick the only way he can get aroused is by hurting, brutalizing, and ravaging a woman using his penis as a weapon. Just as a arsonist is aroused by watching fires he sets burn, it’s the same psychological phenomenon.
It is never the victims fault. And it’s high time that truth be told until it replaces the fallacy of “the woman always being somehow at fault”.
The bulshit needs to end.
No woman should ever have to endure being ostracised and maligned for being raped. Ever again.
Stop the madness.
Racism, sexism, and others forms of bigotry work together to degrade us all. The rape alone was terrible, but even worse was the lack of support and even victim blaming from a large part of the community at the woman in question for being raped. IF THEY EXCUSE EVIL, IT IS THE SAME AS IF THEY COMMIT THE EVIL THEMSELVES!
The first principle of Unitarian Universalism is of the inherit worth and dignity of every person, period. No one deserves to be degraded because his or her appearance, background, race, economic status, sexual orientation, or anything else not related to CHARACTER.