A friend of mine posted this the other day on Facebook:
Johnny Depp/Amber Heard
I was married to someone diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, although that diagnosis wasn’t given until after we separated. I had no idea the nightmare I was living through, all I knew was I wasn’t being treated fairly and I was miserable. One moment he would be sweet and loving, the next he was unimaginably cruel and telling me I was a horrible person. If I tried to confront him about anything ever he would tell me it was my fault, or lie and say it didn’t happen, or he would turn and walk out the door, get in his car and drive away without saying a word. If for some reason he couldn’t get away or couldn’t lie his way out of it he would flip out, which included suddenly screaming at the top of his lungs, throwing things, breaking things, wild accusations, getting in my face, towering over me and intimidating me with his size, just terrifying out of control behavior. Whenever he acted this way he would say I made him do it. It was my fault, for example: I tried to talk to him in the car and I should know to NEVER confront him in a car so it was my fault he freaked out. Or he had to lie because the truth would upset me. The lies were constant. He would lie about anything like a knee jerk reaction, things that didn’t even make sense to lie about. He would “future fake” which is when they promise to do better in the future but really are just stringing you along. He would say whatever I wanted to hear then turn around and do whatever he wanted without any regard to the promises he made. The splitting was the worst. It’s when they view you as all good or all bad, you can’t just be a good person who makes mistakes or made an offhanded comment that hurt their feelings. If you upset them, you are pure evil and doing everything to sabotage their life. Or you are their best friend and greatest most wonderful love. He would swing back and forth between greatest love and worst enemy, sometimes within minutes.I learned that my mother has BPD (undiagnosed, untreated). It’s why I was willing to marry someone with it. He treated me the same way my mother did/does. Even as an adult, when I did something my mother didn’t like, she would go as far as to call my boss on her private cell phone and try to get me fired (this happened 6 months ago – I’m 39 years old and a single mother). She threatened to call my college and get me kicked out when I was 30 years old and paying for my own school because I disproved a point she was trying to make about evolution. Now that they are both out of my life I have learned how amazing life can be. People with BPD drain your soul and your energy. They don’t give AF about how they make others feel, all they care about is their own emotions, like a toddler who can’t comprehend the feelings of others and throws a fit when someone sets boundaries. They tell outrageous lies about the people they’re mad at as a way to justify treating them so badly. I don’t know if they believe the lies. But if they FEEL like you did something they accept it as a fact, whether or not you actually did that thing. I’ve had my mother and my ex acknowledge I didn’t do a thing and say, “But I FEEL like you did.” They will conjure something about you up in their own mind and treat you as if you did this thing that never happened, they will tell people you did something that never happened and even try to get others to treat you like shit for something that you didn’t do. It’s insane to witness. They keep you so energy drained and beaten down that you don’t know how to get back up, and you start to believe you are the terrible person they accuse you of being, and that no one else could possibly love such a person.I’m team Johnny all the way. I know something of what he’s been through and I admire him for his bravery in telling his story to the world. I had no idea what BPD was until a therapist suggested my mother had it and I bought a book about it. It was like someone watched my childhood through a window and wrote it down in this book. My life would have been so much better if someone had shown me sooner.
ETA an example of blame shifting and justification for abhorrent behavior. A photo of messages between my mother and I. Read from the bottom up because when you download Facebook messages it puts them newest on top to oldest on the bottom.
This reminds me of a statement that was sent to me about 2 1/2 years ago by a former friend of mine who turned out to be my WORST ENEMY!
Wahid Azal addresses his critics, take 2
Neither you, nor Christian ex-Bahai, let alone the dodgy moderators of that place, have correctly addressed a single indictment of your duplicitous behavior. I stand by what I said, and others seem to agree about your lot over there as well https://www.reddit.com/r/BAYAN/comments/cycea7/lets_talk_about_exbahai/ (not that consensus changes anything since facts stand on their own regardless who disagrees or agrees with them). You and Christian ex-Bahai are especially blind to what you say and do. But that goes with the territory of being self-righteous WASPs, so kindly stop playing the violin. Then again, white victim-playing when called out on white duplicitly always plays by the same playbook: reverse narrativization, victim blaming and gaslighting. Also, Christian Ex-Bahai still doesn’t understand what gaslighting means. Now, let’s look at your particular kind of white duplicity and dishonesty, one that people of color deal with 24/7 in a multitude of contexts with always the same reactions from you people: DENIAL and gaslighting.
You brown-nosed on the very first comment of this post https://www.reddit.com/r/exbahai/comments/cxhzog/measures_to_restore_civility/ . It was after your stupid comment which I got rid of you from the moderation of realexbahais because at this point you have demonstrated that you are an asshole not to be trusted. So you have yourself to blame, and the facts demonstrate that the betraying was all your own — not mine. I cut weak links and don’t keep them.
As I have maintained for years, the superstructure and bases of Bahaism is rooted in the white Anglo-Saxon global imperial project with its capitalism. I began the podcast by offering the quote from De Tocqueville that speaks to precisely what is driving people like you, Christian Ex-Bahai as well as Scott Hakala. Then I offered social psychological analyses showing that people like you and Christian Ex-Bahai are really spiritual tourists and how what you people understand by “pluralism” is merely free market ideology masquerading as something else. I offered the link to Joseph Massad’s latest book that addresses these very same issues. All of these points you and your Evangelical Christian friend have ignored in almost exactly the same kind of terms that Baha’i cultists ignore points.
Which leads me to this point: indeed, while it is not enough to merely “bash Baha’ism”, without addressing the base and superstructure from which Bahaism subsists, this “bashing” is only telling a part of the story. I agree. But you are not interested in the other side of the story because it indicts your entire society and way of life as being what fuels the Haifan Baha’i cult because your interests (per your UU adherence) lies with perpetuating the white middle-class Anglo-Saxon imperial fallacy in its “liberal” form via the UU packaging. In other words, you are peddling Americanism, which is the real enemy here with Bahaism merely being one of its many colonial franchises, hence why my approach to these questions makes people like yourself unconformable and thus makes your own approach to “bashing Bahaism” ultimately irrelevant, only playing into the system’s hands, and more of the same.
Repeatedly you have made Islamophobic statements and asides. The fact that you now call me an “extremist” also now reinforces the fact and goes to the very heart of the white racism that animates your thinking about literally all of these issues and why you cannot be an ally to what I am about. Be that as it may, there is no such thing as reverse bigotry or reverse racism. Here is why. Learn something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw_mRaIHb-M .
It is clear that EVERYTHING in that statement in red above is a case of victim blaming, much like what was done to my friend by her ex-husband and her mother! I also think, BTW, that my ex-wife Cheri is a case of this messed up attitude.