Shut up, Andrew Cohen!

So you got rejected by a woman and then she decided to marry another guy. You could have done the honorable thing and just kept silent about it and minded your own business. Instead, you reacted with this!

You spend so much writing praising her for her great qualities, but you never once state exactly why you broke up, perhaps because it was indeed your fault and you don’t want to admit it. That’s dishonesty.

Fortunately, others saw your crap and responded to it appropriately:

If I were that bride and saw what Cohen wrote, I’d be furious! And I’d never speak to the damned @$$hole again, except if I had to slap him with a restraining order and was testifying about the need for it in a court of law. Such creepiness should never be encouraged, yet some people were praising the idiot for his writing!

Comments on Cohen’s piece:


3:36 AM Jul 25, 2010

WOW! Hard to read as I felt your broken heart, yet beautifully written. I think every person wishes they could express themselves as you have in this amazing tribute to a special woman. I hope she reads it and keeps it and reads it again as she ages so she can recall how you loved her. Most of us wish for that kind of admiration and love. I hope that something happy and unexpected is in your future again.


6:24 PM Jul 24, 2010

How Beautiful – and loving, generous, gracious of you to wish this lady a happy life on the day of her marriage to someone else. May you be blessed with the same kind of love – and next time, grab it, don’t let go.


5:47 PM Jul 24, 2010

Having just come through a terrible divorce, I cannot imagine being loved in such a beautiful way. You are an amazing man with a deep capacity for love. A rare gem! I wish you love in your future.


5:02 PM Jul 24, 2010

God bless you ! You made me cry….and thats a good thing. Remember you will find love again. I for one will always belive in LOVE !


2:16 PM Jul 24, 2010

Beautiful ! I think she lost a gem too… but happy for her that she found another.


1:06 PM Jul 24, 2010

I really enjoyed reading this, and think more people could learn from your example!

A comment on the piece by Lizzie Skurnick:


3:29 PM Jul 27, 2010

Who made YOU the authority on what to say to an ex-girlfriend on her wedding day? Andrew’s heart was in the right place and I say more power to him.

Fortunately, someone commenting on piece by Amanda Hess had a great suggestion:


I would like to humbly submit, WTF is up with the commenters on the column itself? Almost all female-named and filled with solicitous “aww, how sweet!” remarks. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!


Okay, I’ma go all paranoid now… the comments I refer too, the only ones until a few people from the real world chose to weigh in with actual opinions, all seem eerily… similar.

Lots of “!”
Two separate usage of the word “gem” in two separate comments from two separate “people”
use of “…”, again twice in different comments

Internet hive mind? Or is someone just pathetic *enough* to comment on how “beautifully written” their own wank-tastic article is? Things to ponder…

Oh, I’m dying of laughter!

2 thoughts on “Shut up, Andrew Cohen!

  1. Oh, an even better comment on P Z Myers’ piece:

    {{{#21 Posted by: Cerberus | July 28, 2010 12:48 PM

    Impregnation as a form of dominance (i.e. keeping X women trapped with ME, ME, ME), comes up a LOT, among various Nice Guy TM and conservative male posts.

    And I always keep that well in mind when the same types of people inevitably have anti-choice views supposedly because they just love babies so much, but this viewpoint keeps coming up.

    The part I really focus on is the one’s who tend to be the most fanatical on the lines end up having the “traumatic past” of “I impregnated her and she had the gall not to stay with me forever.”

    I’d feel better if this particular strain of men didn’t seem to view pregnancy and children as some form of weapon against women, limiting their options or as pawns to be used in passive-aggressive treatises like this.

    And I know many men would feel the same, especially with all the men who don’t like how men get extra scrutiny in things like custody because of the high incidence of that asshole shade of men who view children as pawns and weapons against women.

    That all said, this post just makes me feel all sorts of wretched.

    Cause, in the least proud moment of my life, I did something like this. I was back in high school, I still thought I was male, and I was a moron, wrapped in my privilege. As such I ruined a woman’s final yearbook with a long rambling “be happy” semi-stalkerish bit. I know it didn’t make her feel good and while I felt bad at the time, it took finding feminism to really understand how hurtful and offside my actions were.

    Of course, I was just a dumb-ass kid then, not a nationally syndicated writer exploiting a national microphone and I had at least enough sense to make it a private letter, albeit one in an inappropriate place with her having no ability to get rid of it easily, rather than a publicly trumpeted passive-aggressive weapon.

    I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t really have much sympathy for what my dumbass younger self did, I really don’t have sympathy for this stalkery grown man and his passive-aggresive guilt trip of a wedding present.

    Yeah, I have no idea why she didn’t marry him and now didn’t invite him to her wedding.}}}

  2. Comments on the Jezebel piece:

    {{{HRH Your Cuntness aka likepenguins 07/27/10

    Ugh. His original Crap Column was horrible. Treacly, flowery, look-at-me-I’m-mostly-over-you NONSENSE.

    Gentlemen! Pro tip! Ladies who have dumped you do not want to hear from you, years later, absolving them of their guilt and letting them know that you’re okay with where they are in their life. They dumped you. They’re fine.

    On the upside, Cohen can start teaching this year’s Nice Guy 101 Seminar: How To Make Her Joys or Sorrows All About You.}}}


    {{{ytuhermanotambien 07/27/10

    “I won’t embarrass you further?” Dude, she didn’t embarrass herself. She embarrassed YOU.}}}

    {{{whynotshesaid 07/27/10

    That many people thought his column was sweet and charming is not proof that it was in fact sweet and charming.

    I mean, we are talking about a society that elevates Dan Brown to the best-seller list, that heaps praise upon people who are willing to humiliate themselves on national TV, and who voted George W. Bush as president – twice. Mass approval doesn’t really mean shit.}}}

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