My friend Silly Old Bear (SOB) posted this excellent blog about the difference between criticism and bashing: http://dovaryeh.wordpress.com/2007/10/11/when-does-criticism-turn-into-bashing/
He then made a copy of that blog in Care2 and posted dozens of discussions of it in various Care2 groups:
I commented on the Care2 version thusly:
Dale Husband (DH): “Bashing happens when you use character flaws, real or imagined, as excuses to attack people merely for the sake of attacking them rather than to instruct them on how to improve their characters. Sometimes it is hard to know the difference, so one must always carefully consider the source of the criticism.”
Another Care2 member, known as Pretty Kitty (PK), seems to have a grudge against me. She said, “Thank you Dale, but I would like to know what qualifies a person as an expert on analysis simply because he has a history of being judgmental?”
What a strange (and RUDE) question to ask!
DH: “Pretty Kitty, I just gave an definition of “bashing”. Perhaps you are being defensive because you have been known to bash others? Including me? I can take caring criticism from friends. I will not take hateful bashing from strangers or enemies of mine. Motives are the issue, not just the outward acts.”
SOB: “OK – let’s not make this personal – I will block people who attack and respond to attacks – play nice guys.”
I thought I WAS playing nice. At least I didn’t LIE like Pretty Kitty did with her next post!
PK: “Sob (how fitting) Go ahead. My comment that Dale took offense to was actually pointed toward YOU. Funny, you endorse blocking as it suits you.”
SOB: “No, Pretty Kitty, I don’t endorse blocking as it suits ME, but I have been cautioned by Care2 not to allow personal bickering on my Share Book, so regardless of what I think, and at whom you were directing your comment, I have to enforce the CoC. Now, let’s just discuss the contents of the Blog.”
Wasn’t it Forrest Gump who said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”? Damn, was he right! If Pretty Kitty’s first comment was aimed at SOB, why did she bother to mention MY name?!
People don’t always see eye to eye Dale. Some people think they’re not being rude but other people think they are. PK was pretty rude, I’ll give you that, but then again maybe SHE didn’t think she was being rude.
The way I see it, most people don’t make the distinction between criticism and bashing because they don’t take the time to READ what people say and THINK about what’s being said. I think if people would maybe try to be less quick to react and give more thought to what’s actually said, that might make a big difference. That’s just my few pennies’ worth.
Great post, Dale – SB really does have a gift for writing, doesn’t he? 🙂
Anyway, like I said at SB’s blog, once people start making any discussion personal (insults, etc.), the discussion is lost. It’s too bad that happens, too, because a lot of really wonderful discussions have gone by the wayside because people take things too personally. Sure, that saying about wearing the shoe if it fits is a good one, but I really feel that if people would just learn to look at the whole discussion and not just at a few of its parts, there might not be so much bashing going on. That’s just my opinion, of course, but I hope it makes sense.
Thank you, Dale :-)also for not continuing the banter with PK – as it was now, I only had to block one of you from my Blog 😀
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